So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
