Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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