Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
