i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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