Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
