I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
