who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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