Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
