A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
