he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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