But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
