i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
