the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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