I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
