I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
