butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
