I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
