We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
