At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
