ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Even my vagina gasped.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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