Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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