I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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