So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
