When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
sex in a hospital.. check
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think my moral compass just broke
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
