I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
