So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
