Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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