Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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