come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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