I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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