I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
