Having a random hookup so left but love u
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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