My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
