Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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