Only a mothe r could love this liver
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
