i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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