Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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