Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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