He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
