i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
