so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
