he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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