apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
