So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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