I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
