Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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