I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
