I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
