doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
