not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
