I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
