Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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