So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
