dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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