I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
