ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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