i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
