It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
