Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
