so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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