I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
