Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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